Do what you love…but still rest.

Woeeee. I think this is the longest I’ve gone without writing here TO DATE. Fun fact I even forgot my log in to get to my own blog that I’ve had for 10 years, cool cool.  If I am not writing here, I am at the very least journaling on my own, but I have barely even done that in the last 5 months. 

There have been many times in my life where I’ve been overwhelmed, over-busy, grief stricken or had too much on my plate but ironically those are usually the times I cling to my writing the most. It has always been an outlet for me. A way for me to process the world and a way for me to express myself when it feels like my day to day suffocates my soul. But in the last 5 months something different has kept me from writing and weirdly enough it is work that has been so incredibly fulfilling and…a lot of sick kids at home. 

In my past work and parent life, I could start to see the waters rising up when things got too hectic and I could fight to keep them down, keep my head above water, ask for help and cling to my soul/self-care strategies that quite honestly I have always been pretty good at maintaining.  Sometimes I would succeed in fighting that overwhelm threatening to drown me, sometimes I wouldn’t. But I would always notice it. 

But a weird phenomenon has happened in the last few months, the water was up to my eyes before I even noticed it was there. And as a usually fairly organized person I was forgetting everything. EVERYYYYTHING. School forms to be turned in, appointment times, important dates and text messages gone unresponded. It wasn’t just every once in a while something would slip my mind, like every day something important fell through the cracks.  I was becoming quite a mess quite frankly…more than usual anyway 😉

Yes, I finally found work that I feel like I am truly called to do- yet in my excitement…threw all my boundaries, soul care and organization tactics out the window thinking I didn’t need them anymore. Who needs rest and margin when your work is for Jesus?! LET’S GO! 

I still need to workout or move my body everyday. I still need to get outside for long walks. My soul still needs to write what I am feeling, seeing and processing. I still need extended amounts of solitude to re-fill my cup. 

So all of a sudden when October hit and our house got sick again and again (disclaimer, turns out when you have kids in school you DON’T get more time, you just get more time with sick kids at home and a ridiculous amount of papers and sign up forms to sort through… but I digress) and it felt like out of nowhere I had no time or energy to do anything with a to do list that was 15 miles long and I was drowning. What? How did I get here?  I know exactly how I got here and I know better. 

Yes, the saying “Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life” is true. But I am learning you still need to put the work DOWN. Even if you love it. 

In this new job, I get to create and support programs for kids and families to learn about God and help them on their faith journey. I get to lead amazing volunteers who share the same passion for Jesus and kids. I get to have deep spiritual conversations about life on a weekly basis. I get to be immersed in books and THE book. I get to be that silly part of me when I am around kids and then be that deep empathetic part of me when I am around parents and adults who are spilling their heart out to me. And my kids get to be integrated in this work with me. It is the actual best.

I’ve always enjoyed my work in education, but I’ve not loved and been committed to work THIS much. It is truly a dream. And yet. Boundaries still matter. Rest still matters. My family still matters. My own sanity and source of seperate joy still matters. My time alone with God still matters.

So I am working on getting those rhythms and routines back again, little by little. Setting that alarm extra early no matter what to just sit in the morning quiet and sip my coffee with my books and my writing. To hit the gym consistently. To drink more water. To nourish my body, get outside as much as I can. And to close the phone and laptop, shut my brain off and be present with my family. Maybe even actually get caught up on laundry for once. 

Do what you love. But still take time to rest. Hoping to create space to share more with you here again. As always, thanks for reading. Just over here struggling to figure out life right along side you.