How did I get here?

Do you ever catch yourself in a moment and wonder…“How did I get here?”.  How did I get to be this age? How did I get to this place?  It is almost as if the years happen in the blink of an eye without us even noticing.

I have had A LOT of those moments this past year, especially at work.  In my head I am still the same 22 year old new Freshman Admission Counselor who was SO excited to start a new career, SO terrified of the unknown, SO eager to learn and dreaming about the day where I was the one answering questions to the newbies in our office, going to all the director meetings and making important decisions.   Someday, I thought.  But at the time that day seemed SO far off.

My first staff picture at AU

It did not occur to me until a month or so ago when I was sitting in yet another one of THOSE meetings talking about data strategies, how our numbers are looking, new incentives, how to motivate our staff, and it hit me.  Holy CRAP I am HERE.  How did I get here?

I still feel like the same 22 year old who is just making it up as I go and doing my best.  Yea, I guess people do ask me more questions now.  Yea, I guess I do have some power to make changes and decisions.  Yea, I guess I do know more than I did 6 years ago, when did that happen? It is not like I got to this point where there were balloons and confetti and people saying- “TADA!! You have ARRIVED to adulthood!”,  “You have arrived to your destination!”  It’s a gradual change, that often goes unnoticed.  I slowly became more involved at AU, I slowly became more knowledgeable, I slowly was one of the most experienced in the office and I slowly became farther and farther from the age of 22.  Yet, I still do not feel that I am at my “destination”, not sure I ever will.

Just this past weekend was North Central College’s homecoming.  After spending time re-uniting with my old teammates and friends, I spend a little more time roaming around campus.  So much has changed since I left there, it is kind of sad that the place that was once so dear to me,  is a place I rarely ever visit anymore.   I am the type of person that when there is a new chapter in my life, I like to throw myself fully forward and not look back…which is a weakness and a strength.

Even though  I cried those sad tears at my college graduation and mourned with my teammates about never playing on that field again that taught us so much and brought us so many memories,  I was excited to move forward to a new chapter.  I think at first, I was too sad to go back, but then once my new life began, I got caught up in it.  I had new memories to make at AU, new people to impress, new goals to set.  But the weakness in not looking back…is I totally and completely forget how far I have come.

This beautiful building below is where I interviewed as a freshman for my first campus job as a Tour Guide at NCC.  It was one of many jobs I held in college all four years, this one was my “fun” one.  You know, one of those jobs that you know is not really going to get you any good experience for your career field-but you love it anyway?  That is how I felt about being a tour guide, how ironic.    Little did I know that this “fun” on campus job, would ignite my love for helping students and lead into the career that I am in now.  So much for that Exercise Science major 🙂

It was in this building below that Shain and I first met.  A relationship I was so unsure about as an 18 year old, ended up being the best thing that ever happened to me.

As life passes us by, I think sometimes we forget about our starry eyed younger selves that had enough ambition and dreams to fuel an entire lifetime.  We get so caught up in our day to day that we don’t even REALIZE that we have achieved half our goals.  We get jaded.  We get tired.  And we don’t appreciate what is happening around us.  Slow down, look around.  How did you get here?  There is something special about taking a trip down memory lane, it gives you so many realizations.  Sometimes it even makes you realize that the dreams you wanted so badly back then..are not what you want anymore.  That’s okay.

It doesn’t matter if you are in your 20’s or in your 80’s, I think we all ask that same question.  How did I get here?  When did this life happen?

Do yourself a favor and take a moment to reflect.  Look back 5, 10, 15, 2o years.  How far have you come?  Make a point to bring back that wide eyed dreamer that we all used to be.  It makes the present moment we are in that much more valuable and sometimes even gives us clarity on what direction to take next.

Stay blessed in the mess 🙂